I don’t know where i’m going
But my life has gone straight past
Tick tock tick tock
And the time was gone way too fast
I turned a different corner
But the change was just too late
It was a fight within my mind
As my poor body tries to compensate
I tried taking everything in the book
Just to try and mask the pain
But that just ended being up my loss
As i had everything to gain
My world was lost, my parents , my friends
And all of my loved ones of course
They tried to talk me out of it
But i was just way too out of it to care
As i’m sure many of us at times have been there
Just stared into space and just lost it
To me the world was just a place to die
and to just get lost in
Taking up space is what i think they said
They called me the black sheep and told me
I was better off dead.
Well sorry my dear’s but i was still breathing inside
But don’t you worry on the outside i was just living the lie
I felt numb, nothing, you just called out and couldn’t reach me
and every single two seconds someone was just praying and trying to preach to me
Look i believe in God alright, i just don’t believe in myself
So go and take your tears and your beliefs and your worry and go and put them all on somebody else
I’m me and i am not fucking proud of it
And i know you can see that deep in me and are just trying to get me out of it
Just trying to pretend that you can go on and just look the other way you know
but i am not here to just to put on a sick and twisted real life show
Spectators and haters and judges all looking down at me
Well you can take your glass houses and statements and stop running out on me
Do you know what i have been through? What i have lived? What i have fucking seen?
Do you want to be me and to want to live my life and get it right for me to just get clean?
Do you want to wake up in the morning just to hate what you see in the mirror?
and then just have to pretend that you can suddenly see the error of your ways just that much clearer?
There’s cancer, there’s war, there’s starving children that are always needing more
Why are you wasting your lives looking at me it’s not like you really want me anymore?
I surpassed knocking your expectations down on to the floor along time ago
and what the fuck was it all for?
I don’t need you all
I just want you in my life
So please can we put away all of the family arguments and the trouble and the strife?
I am here and i am me and i am who i have become and made me
So let me work things out for myself and see my errors and my faults before you try and save me.
I am my own judge, jury and executioner
And as i’m foaming at the mouth i can here the words ‘i think we’re losing her’
and i am just trying to live and breath and cope with my own fucked up life!
Can you just breathe for me “no!” as i’m swinging on the edge of a long and twisted bloody knife.
So don’t spend your time here spewing and spilling up all of your hate
I am an addict, a human, your own family, a friend or even your best mate.
So come and see me when i can see you back and the sun is shinning once again.
You know when i can look at the light with my eyes and take it and i am truly on the mend
Right now i am not even sure of myself so please do not expect
me to take you to where i’m going because i’m wrecked.
So nighty night as you perfect people all say i’m off to bed
Where i can just lay and spew and spray my mess all over my bed
The life of an addict isn’t pretty enough i’d want to share
So please don’t look me up and down anymore and go to touch or to play with my dull and mattered hair.
I’m shattered and i matter but i’m just not well enough to be me
So give me hope, don’t be my conscience, and give me light enough to see…

 

 

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